Note to Someone Who Lost a Family Member

grief & loss

Coping with Grief and Loss

Whatsoever blazon of loss you've suffered, in that location'due south no right or wrong way to grieve. But by agreement the stages and types of grief, you tin find healthier ways to cope.

What is grief?

Grief is a natural response to loss. It's the emotional suffering you lot feel when something or someone y'all love is taken abroad. Frequently, the hurting of loss can feel overwhelming. You may feel all kinds of hard and unexpected emotions, from stupor or anger to atheism, guilt, and profound sadness. The pain of grief can also disrupt your physical health, making it difficult to sleep, eat, or even think directly. These are normal reactions to loss—and the more than significant the loss, the more intense your grief will exist.

Coping with the loss of someone or something you love is one of life'south biggest challenges. You may associate grieving with the death of a loved one—which is ofttimes the cause of the most intense type of grief—just any loss tin crusade grief, including:

1. Divorce or human relationship breakup
2. Loss of health
3. Losing a job
4. Loss of financial stability
5. A miscarriage
6. Retirement

7. Death of a pet
8. Loss of a cherished dream
9. A loved one's serious illness
10. Loss of a friendship
11. Loss of safety afterwards a trauma
12. Selling the family dwelling house

Even subtle losses in life tin trigger a sense of grief. For example, yous might grieve after moving away from home, graduating from higher, or changing jobs.

Whatever your loss, it's personal to you, and so don't feel ashamed virtually how you experience, or believe that it's somehow simply appropriate to grieve for certain things. If the person, animal, relationship, or situation was meaning to yous, information technology'due south normal to grieve the loss you're experiencing. Any the crusade of your grief, though, there are healthy ways to cope with the pain that, in time, can ease your sadness and help you lot come to terms with your loss, find new significant, and somewhen move on with your life.

The grief of losing a loved one

Whether it'southward a close friend, spouse, partner, parent, child, or other relative, few things are as painful equally losing someone you love. Subsequently such a significant loss, life may never seem quite the aforementioned again. But in time, you tin can ease your sorrow, start to look to the future, and eventually come to terms with your loss.

Read: Bereavement: Grieving the Loss of a Loved 1.

The grieving procedure

Grieving is a highly private experience; there'south no right or incorrect way to grieve. How you grieve depends on many factors, including your personality and coping style, your life experience, your faith, and how significant the loss was to you.

Inevitably, the grieving process takes time. Healing happens gradually; it can't exist forced or hurried—andthere is no "normal" timetable for grieving. Some people get-go to feel better in weeks or months. For others, the grieving process is measured in years. Whatever your grief experience, information technology's of import to be patient with yourself and allow the procedure to naturally unfold.

Myths and facts about grief and grieving
Myth: The pain will get away faster if you ignore it Fact: Trying to ignore your pain or keep it from surfacing volition merely make it worse in the long run. For real healing, information technology is necessary to face your grief and actively deal with information technology.
Myth: It's of import to "be strong" in the face up of loss. Fact: Feeling sorry, frightened, or lonely is a normal reaction to loss. Crying doesn't mean you are weak. Yous don't demand to "protect" your family or friends past putting on a brave front end. Showing your true feelings can help them and you.
Myth: If you don't cry, it ways y'all aren't sorry about the loss. Fact: Crying is a normal response to sadness, but information technology'south not the only one. Those who don't cry may feel the hurting just as deeply every bit others. They may simply accept other means of showing it.
Myth: Grieving should last most a year. Fact: There is no specific fourth dimension frame for grieving. How long it takes differs from person to person.
Myth: Moving on with your life means forgetting nigh your loss. Fact: Moving on means you've accepted your loss—but that'southward not the same as forgetting. You can move on with your life and keep the memory of someone or something you lot lost equally an important part of you. In fact, equally we motility through life, these memories can go more and more integral to defining the people nosotros are.

How to bargain with the grieving process

While grieving a loss is an inevitable function of life, there are means to assist cope with the pain, come up to terms with your grief, and eventually, notice a way to pick up the pieces and move on with your life.

1. Acknowledge your pain.
2. Have that grief can trigger many different and unexpected emotions.
3. Understand that your grieving process will be unique to y'all.
4. Seek out face-to-face support from people who care about you.
5. Back up yourself emotionally past taking care of yourself physically.
6. Recognize the difference between grief and depression.

The stages of grief

In 1969, psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross introduced what became known as the "five stages of grief." These stages of grief were based on her studies of the feelings of patients facing terminal illness, but many people have generalized them to other types of negative life changes and losses, such as the death of a loved one or a suspension-upwards.

The five stages of grief

Denial: "This tin't be happening to me."

Anger: "Why is this happening? Who is to blame?"

Bargaining: "Make this not happen, and in return I will ____."

Depression: "I'm too distressing to do anything."

Acceptance: "I'thou at peace with what happened."

If you are experiencing any of these emotions following a loss, information technology may help to know that your reaction is natural and that yous'll heal in time. However, not anybody who grieves goes through all of these stages—and that's okay. Contrary to pop belief,you practise not have to get through each stage in order to heal. In fact, some people resolve their grief without going throughany of these stages. And if you do go through these stages of grief, you lot probably won't experience them in a neat, sequential lodge, so don't worry nigh what you "should" exist feeling or which stage y'all're supposed to be in.

Kübler-Ross herself never intended for these stages to be a rigid framework that applies to anybody who mourns. In her concluding book before her decease in 2004, she said of the 5 stages of grief: "They were never meant to help tuck messy emotions into neat packages. They are responses to loss that many people take, butat that place is not a typical response to loss, as there is no typical loss.Our grieving is as private as our lives."

Grief can be a roller coaster

Instead of a serial of stages, we might besides recollect of the grieving process as a roller coaster, full of ups and downs, highs and lows. Similar many roller coasters, the ride tends to be rougher in the starting time, the lows may be deeper and longer.

The difficult periods should become less intense and shorter equally time goes past, but it takes fourth dimension to work through a loss. Even years after a loss, peculiarly at special events such as a family wedding or the birth of a child, we may still experience a potent sense of grief.

Source: Hospice Foundation of America

Symptoms of grief

While loss affects people in different ways, many of u.s. feel the following symptoms when we're grieving. Only remember that almost annihilation that you lot experience in the early stages of grief is normal—including feeling like y'all're going crazy, feeling like you're in a bad dream, or questioning your religious or spiritual beliefs.

Emotional symptoms of grief

Stupor and disbelief. Right after a loss, information technology can be difficult to have what happened. You may feel numb, have trouble assertive that the loss really happened, or even deny the truth. If a pet or someone you beloved has died, for example, you may keep expecting them to show upwardly, even though you lot know they're gone.

Sadness. Profound sadness is probably the well-nigh universally experienced symptom of grief. You may take feelings of emptiness, despair, yearning, or deep loneliness. You lot may also cry a lot or experience emotionally unstable.

Guilt. Y'all may regret or experience guilty about things you did or didn't say or do. You may also feel guilty about certain feelings (feeling relieved when a person died after a long, difficult illness, for example). You lot may even feel guilty for non doing more to prevent your loss, fifty-fifty if it was completely out of your easily.

Fear. A pregnant loss can trigger a host of worries and fears. If you've lost your partner, your job, or your dwelling house, for example, you may feel anxious, helpless, or insecure about the future. You may even have panic attacks. The death of a loved one can trigger fears most your ain mortality, of facing life without that person, or the responsibilities yous now face up lonely.

[Read: Dealing with Uncertainty]

Anger. Fifty-fifty if the loss was nobody'southward mistake, you may experience angry and resentful. If you lost a loved one, y'all may exist aroused with yourself, God, the doctors, or fifty-fifty the person who died for abandoning you lot. You may feel the demand to blame someone for the injustice that was done to you.

Concrete symptoms of grief

We often call up of grief every bit a strictly emotional process, but grief oftentimes involves concrete problems, including:

• Fatigue
• Nausea
• Lowered amnesty
• Weight loss or weight proceeds
• Aches and pains
• Insomnia

Types of grief

Since the feel of grieving following the loss of someone or something important to y'all tends to be unique to you lot, it's difficult to label any type of grief as either "normal" or "aberrant". However, there are types of grief that fall outside the expected symptoms and reactions described above. These include:

Anticipatory grief

As the name suggests, anticipatory grief develops before a significant loss occurs rather than later on. If a loved one is terminally sick, for case, y'all have an aging pet, or you know that your retirement or job loss is imminent yous may start grieving your loss before it has fully unfolded.

[Read: When a Loved I is Terminally Ill]

Similar conventional grief, anticipatory grief can involve a mix of confusing emotions, peculiarly anger. Some people even equate it to giving up hope and refuse to allow themselves to grieve before their loss has occurred. Still, anticipatory grief can also give you adventure to prepare for your loss, resolve any unfinished business, or say your goodbyes, for example.

Disenfranchised grief

Disenfranchised grief can occur when your loss is devalued, stigmatized, or cannot be openly mourned. Some people may minimize the loss of a chore, a pet, or a friendship, for example, as something that's not worth grieving over. You may feel stigmatized if you suffered a miscarriage or lost a loved 1 to suicide.

Disenfranchised grief tin also occur when your relationship to a deceased is non recognized. Some people may consider it inappropriate to grieve for a piece of work colleague, classmate, or neighbor, for example. Equally a close friend or same-sexual practice partner you may be denied the same sympathy and understanding every bit a blood relative. This can make it even more than difficult to come to terms with your loss and navigate the grieving process.

Complicated grief

The hurting at a significant loss may never completely disappear, but it should ease up over time. When it doesn't—and it keeps you from resuming your daily life and relationships—it may be a sign of complicated grief.

Complicated grief ordinarily arises from the death of a loved ane, where the loss has left you stuck in a state of bereavement. You may be unable to take your loved one has gone, search for them in familiar places, experience intense longing, or even feel that life isn't worth living.

If you're experiencing complicated grief and the pain from your loss remains unresolved, it's important to attain out for support and accept the steps that will enable yous to heal.

Seeking back up for grief and loss

The pain of grief can often cause you to want to withdraw from others and retreat into your shell. But having the face up-to-face up support of other people is vital to healing from loss. Even if you're not comfortable talking about your feelings nether normal circumstances, information technology'southward important to limited them when you're grieving.

While sharing your loss tin can brand the burden of grief easier to carry, that doesn't mean that every time you interact with friends and family, you lot need to talk near your loss. Comfort tin can likewise come from but being around others who care virtually you. The key is not to isolate yourself.

Plough to friends and family unit members. Now is the time to lean on the people who care near yous, even if you take pride in beingness strong and self-sufficient. Rather than avoiding them, draw friends and loved ones shut, spend time together confront to confront, and accept the assistance that's offered. Often, people want to help but don't know how, so tell them what you demand—whether it's a shoulder to cry on, a listening ear, or just someone to hang out with. If you lot don't feel you lot accept anyone you can regularly connect with in person, information technology's never too tardily to build new friendships.

Have that many people experience bad-mannered when trying to condolement someone who's grieving. Grief can be a confusing, sometimes frightening emotion for many people, especially if they haven't experienced a similar loss themselves. They may feel unsure about how to comfort you lot and end up saying or doing the incorrect things. Merely don't apply that every bit an excuse to retreat into your trounce and avert social contact. If a friend or loved 1 reaches out to you, it's considering they care.

Describe comfort from your faith. If you follow a religious tradition, comprehend the comfort its mourning rituals can provide. Spiritual activities that are meaningful to you—such as praying, meditating, or going to church—tin can offer solace. If you're questioning your faith in the wake of the loss, talk to a clergy fellow member or others in your religious community.

Join a support group. Grief can experience very lonely, even when you lot have loved ones effectually. Sharing your sorrow with others who have experienced similar losses can aid. To discover a bereavement back up group in your area, contact local hospitals, hospices, funeral homes, and counseling centers, or see the links below.

[Read: Support Groups: Types, Benefits, and What to Expect]

Talk to a therapist or grief counselor. If your grief feels like too much to behave, find a mental health professional with feel in grief counseling. An experienced therapist can assistance you work through intense emotions and overcome obstacles to your grieving.

Beware how you use social media

Social media can be useful in letting others know about your loss and reaching out for back up. Notwithstanding, it tin can also concenter Cyberspace trolls who postal service inappropriate, insensitive, or even abusive messages. To spare yourself additional pain and heartache at this time, you may want to limit your social media employ to closed groups rather than public postings that can be commented on by anyone.

Taking intendance of yourself equally you grieve

When you lot're grieving, it's more than important than ever to have care of yourself. The stress of a major loss can quickly deplete your energy and emotional reserves. Looking later your physical and emotional needs will help you lot become through this difficult time.

Face your feelings. You can try to suppress your grief, but you tin can't avoid information technology forever. In order to heal, y'all have to acknowledge the hurting. Trying to avoid feelings of sadness and loss only prolongs the grieving process. Unresolved grief tin also lead to complications such equally depression, anxiety, substance abuse, and health bug.

Limited your feelings in a tangible or creative way. Even if you're not able to talk near your loss with others, it can aid to write down your thoughts and feelings in a journal, for instance. Or y'all could release your emotions by making a scrapbook or volunteering for a crusade related to your loss.

Attempt to maintain your hobbies and interests. There'southward comfort in routine and getting back to the activities that bring y'all joy and connect y'all closer to others tin can assistance you lot come to terms with your loss and aid the grieving process.

Don't let anyone tell you how to experience, and don't tell yourself how to feel either. Your grief is your ain, and no i else can tell you when it's time to "motion on" or "go over it." Let yourself feel whatever you feel without embarrassment or judgment. Information technology's okay to be angry, to yell at the heavens, to weep or not to cry. Information technology's likewise okay to express joy, to find moments of joy, and to let go when you're gear up.

Look later your physical health. The mind and body are continued. When you experience healthy physically, you'll exist better able to cope emotionally. Combat stress and fatigue by getting enough sleep, eating right, and exercising. Don't use alcohol or drugs to numb the pain of grief or lift your mood artificially.

[Read: Cocky-Medicating Depression, Anxiety, and Stress]

Plan ahead for grief "triggers." Anniversaries, holidays, and important milestones can reawaken painful memories and feelings. Exist prepared for an emotional wallop, and know that it's completely normal. You tin can plan alee past making sure that y'all're not lone, for instance, or by marking your loss in a creative manner.

harrisfleamint.blogspot.com

Source: https://www.helpguide.org/articles/grief/coping-with-grief-and-loss.htm

Share this post